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Dear parent of the newly-diagnosed child with autism,
I know how you feel because I have been where you are. I know how lost, scared, confused, and devastated you are.
I cannot tell you that your child will be cured because there is no cure for autism as of now. I cannot tell you that it will be an easy road because it is not. What I can tell you, though, is that your child’s condition will improve with a lot of hard work and patience. There will be ups and downs. There will be new concerns and challenges, but you will get the hang of dealing with them. You will become an expert in all things autism, but more than that, you will become an expert in your child. You will know how to help him and you will know how to teach him to help himself.
Life will not be how you envisioned it to be but it will be a fulfilling life if you let it be. There are four things that I will advise you to do in order to live a happy life – accept, adapt, embrace, and move on. Stop looking for a cure. Stop comparing your child with other children. Stop comparing your life with others’ lives. The more time you spend doing this, the more time you lose in giving your child the help and support that he needs.
Here are a few things that you can do instead:
– Love and accept your child unconditionally.
– Don’t try to “fix” your child. Doing so will end up breaking your child.
– Respect your child’s difference. Don’t force him/her to act “normal” to fit into society.
– Focus on your child’s strengths and work on his/her weaknesses, not the other way round.
– Be your child’s biggest cheerleader. Make sure your child knows that you are proud of him/her.
– Be your child’s parent first, then his/her therapist/psychologist/special educator.
– Read up as much as you can about autism so that you can make informed decisions for your child.
– Use the diagnosis to understand and empower your child, not define and limit your child.
– Don’t look at everything through the lens of the diagnosis. Your child is an individual, not a diagnosis.
– Remember that your child is still the same child he/she was before his/her autism diagnosis, and you already know how to be a parent to him/her. Focus on your child, not his/her diagnosis.
– Remember that your child is still a child with a child’s needs and wants. Having an autism diagnosis does not change that.
– Don’t let the diagnosis take over your life. Allow yourself and your child time to relax and enjoy life.
– Contrary to what you might believe, you have time. Don’t panic and try to do everything at once, because you will only end up burning yourself and your child out.
– Autism is not a race, it is a marathon. Make sure you pace yourself and brace yourself for the long run.
Love always,
Preeti Dixit
