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It took me a while to realize that my son was not his diagnosis. Like many parents of newly-diagnosed kids with autism, I worked relentlessly with my son after finding out that he had autism, thinking that it was only a matter of how much time and effort I put in for my son to overcome his challenges.
Before I knew what was happening, I had turned my son into a project to be worked on instead of a child to be loved. It was only when the both of us were exhausted and miserable that I realized this was not working. My sweet, cheerful, lively, bubbly, happy-go-lucky boy was no longer any of those things. He was sad, tired, frustrated, defeated, and withdrawn. I was so mad at myself for having done this to him.
It is so important to remember that our kids are individuals with their own identities, interests, likes, and dislikes, just like neurotypical kids. Working with them indiscriminately, without taking this into consideration, is a sure-shot way of setting them up for failure, leading to a lack of confidence, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. It is important to work with our children’s strengths, weaknesses, styles of learning, and means of motivation, to help them blossom and grow into the people that they are meant to be, and not the people you want them to be.
Love.
