Being a Happy Special Parent

Many special needs parents confide in me about feeling depressed when they see “normal” families leading “normal” lives around them: having successful careers, enjoying social gatherings, going on vacations, etc, so I thought I would address it.

First of all, I would like to tell those of you who are feeling this way at the moment that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every one of us has felt this way at one point in time or another. After all, it is a fact that our lives have changed drastically after having a child with special needs. We have had to make a lot of changes and sacrifices for our children with special needs. Things that we took for granted are now a struggle to achieve – personally, professionally, and socially.

It is okay to feel passing anger, sadness, self-pity, envy, and bitterness, but it is unhealthy to be consumed by it. So what can you do to stop yourself from drowning in negative emotions? Here are a few things that have helped me over the years ‐

1. Stop comparing your life with other people’s lives and your child with other children.

2. Remember that not everything that glitters is gold. “Normal” people have “normal” problems – personal, professional, financial. Someone may be grieving the loss of a loved one. Someone may be fighting an illness. Someone may struggle to make ends meet.

3. Get off social media or remember that social media is not an accurate representation of one’s life. That person posting happy vacation pictures could be suffering from depression. That person posting happy family pictures could be living in a troubled marriage. That person posting happy selfies could be battling loneliness.

4. Let go of stereotypical notions of having a successful life and create your own definition of success.

5. Use this opportunity to create a different, more meaningful, genuine, and authentic life.

6. Connect with other special needs families so that you feel less alone in your journey.

7. Give your suffering meaning by doing something positive with it, like helping others going through a similar situation.

8. Stop thinking in terms of all or nothing. Enjoy the little moments and the small things in life. Can’t go on a vacation? Go for a walk in the park instead. Can’t go out for a movie? Watch one at home instead.

9. Be mindful of and grateful for what you have. Appreciate everything you have and celebrate everything you and your child achieve.

10. Live in the present moment. Don’t think in terms of what if and if only. That is a surefire way of making yourself miserable.